Possible womxn 9/12 Val – Big Breast’s, like very large ladies
If I had a book full of 300 empty pages I probably could easily fill it with how much I love and adore Val. Not only has she been a huge part of this project, she has also become such a dear friend of mine. After traveling to Burning Man and back with her, I feel so lucky to have had this soul enter into my life to share some incredible experiences with. She is a fearless, strong, funny, hardworking, bold sun goddess and I kind of like to think that her large breasts sort of symbolize her in a way, larger than life. Her ego is so beautiful and she just radiates love and light every time I see her. Val has never let things in her life hold her back, not even her large breasts. So many times she’s thought of getting a breast reduction, taking away all the physical pain and unwanted attention, but then she remembers that she was made fiercely and if god or her mama or whoever blessed her with a chest, she was going to accept it and not change herself one damn bit which she has chosen to do. Learning to love to your body will always be a journey and learning to accept some things that you can’t change is all apart of that journey. I love this womxn and what she stands for and am so honored to share her story with you all!
“This session was just another thing along my path helping to push me outside of my comfort zone which is what I need.” – Val
Like many of the ladies for this project or anyone who does boudoir in general, Val mentioned she was incredibly nervous before the session. She ordered a few props that had yet to make it to her apartment which kind of set her back a little on what she was planning to wear. All that fear and worry about her outfits and the packages not coming in made her realize that she needed to just let go of her expectation of what she thought this session was going to be and just let it happen because that’s how you’re going to get the best experience, if you just let go. So she showed up, with still more props then I’ve seen anyone bring and just let the entire experience happen to her.
“The quickest growth comes from getting out of your comfort zone.” – Val
“I knew I had boobs but I didn’t really notice until freshman year because I was wearing a button down shirt and some guy made a comment to me and that was the first time that had happened.” – Val
From the moment Val entered high school, Val was not just Val anymore but was Val who has large breasts. From comments she would get from grown men as she walked home from school, or to comments her peers would say directly to her, everyone around her had something to say about her body from the moment she turned fourteen. Val quickly learned to tune out the comments and cat calling from men, or the weird remarks her male friends would say to her at school. What got on Val’s nerves the most were not the comments from boys, but comments from the girls. Once high school hit all she would hear from her female friends were remarks like, “Damn girl, why don’t you share with us.” or “I wish I had your boobs!” or “How did you get so lucky”. Little did they know that if Val could have ripped them off her chest and handed them over, she would.
What’s more annoying than comments from all genders about Val’s breasts is the fact that she can not fit or wear anything that she wants.
“Oh spaghetti straps? Not happening. Tube tops? Nope, can’t do it because it’ll look weird with my bra showing.” – Val
Even if she could find a spaghetti strap and that is more like a lasagna strap or a tube top that somehow didn’t show her bra or even came with a built in bra, she wouldn’t wear it anyways because it would just attract even more attention to her. Even if her perfect fit was out there, she still wouldn’t be able to wear it.
“All those people were forcing their comments on me and then forcing other people around them to notice me so everyone had a say about my body.” -Val
When others have a say about your body, that’s when something is wrong. It doesn’t matter if the comment you think you’re saying is good, or if it’s bad, the comments just have to stop. For someone like Val, her entire young adult life she was subjected to what other people thought about her body. She was taught unconsciously by others to shrink herself, to not be seen, to not be 100% Val because that was too much. Other people defined how she felt about herself and her body and there was nothing she could do about it at the time. Our young teenage lives are susceptible to listening to body shame. She didn’t have the tools she has today to combat those comments and to look inward and know that she is beautiful and perfect just the way she is. She was stuck in her own head, filled with words from other people.
Val always being subjected to comments about her appearance never really ended, it still happens today. She thinks back on a time when she was a child in elementary school and was told from the teacher that she was ‘too much’ and is convinced that is where her introversion stems from. Val was talking to some kids near her telling them a story and her teacher silenced her telling her to be quiet and stated that no one cared and that she was just too much. Hearing the words ‘too much’ is something Val has been told a time or two in her life. She always thought that she was too much because others kept telling her she was. If her personality wasn’t too much, her boobs were, or her butt was or her hair was.
“That was the constant message I got so I tried to hide and not be seen because I wanted to just live my life and not have to deal constantly with comments from others.” -Val
“I wanted to be fucking normal and I feel like that was taken away from me.” -Val
Val hid and shrank herself for so many years and was always the center of attention, something she never asked for. Not only was she commented on her physical appearance incessantly, she was always being told that she was too much. After leaving her boyfriend of two years who had made a similar comment to her, Val decided to do some major, major healing and leave a past she once knew and leave those people who thought she was just too much. She introduced reiki, meditation, crystals and tarot into her life and things started to change. Instead of hiding and being afraid of what others would say, she grew into herself more and left the old, afraid and closed off Val behind. No matter what people still will or might say to her inevitably, she will be ready for it because she is vibrating at a higher frequency than she was before and she knows now that she can let all those silly little comments roll right off her boobs… I mean back. 😉
“I used to want surgery but after finding things in my life like reiki and meditation I have come to accept myself more and things have gotten a lot better for me.”- Val
I asked her if large ta ta’s ran in the family and she replied almost instantly, “NOPE! It’s just me girl!”-Val
When it comes to bras, Val is always at a loss. Growing up her mother would always get so frustrated because she wanted to help her daughter so much but didn’t know what to do when nothing fit. She would say to her, “well something has to fit you.” Val would always have to buy the largest cup size and just work around it. A lot of the time things were misshapen or too loose or too tight. I asked Val if she ever wore sports bras to make things easier to which she replied, hell no. Sports bras still didn’t fit her any better than a regular bra did, but she didn’t want her boobs to be any higher or perk out any more than they already did. For the folks that understand bra sizing, Val is 34 and probably some sort of ‘Z’ cup. A rare chest size to flippin be. Val is not the tallest of people so her body frame is relatively small. When you have a small body frame and very large breasts, sizing just does not exist for you. Anyone who has a crazy large cup size could never ever be a 34 (or so they say) so bra’s that size are just not ever made.
Bra’s not only don’t fit Val properly but almost every single one she wears hurts always. They pull on her shoulders and tug on her sides and create darker spots on her skin because of the friction it causes against her body. It hurts all the time even when she’s trying to do normal things like lean down or work out. Years of having to wear bras for the support have caused her skin to also have slight indentation in places.
“It hurts and it’s not fun at all.” -Val
It can be bras, sport bras, blouses or swimsuits, nothing fit’s this girl properly. Breast reductions still cross her mind from time to time, but she still refuses to go through with it. She wants to become a mother one day and knows that her all natural breasts might give her a higher chance at being able to breastfeed some day. *The things we womxn honestly have to think of* If I’m worried about anything, it’s trying to become a mother before it may be too late. Why do ladies have to think so far ahead sometimes… Gah!
I asked Val what part of her body she is most proud of and she said her hourglass shape to which I think I responded with some snaps and my hands making that hourglass shape motion saying, ‘yassss’. The girl has got some curves and I actually had no idea how small her waist really was until she got practically naked in front of me. Hints again, why the poor girl can never find bras! Bodies like Val’s are rare, which is also what makes her beautiful as hell, she is a rare gem.
“It’s so nice to actually celebrate my body now and not try and hide it anymore so I’ve gotten into the habit now of accentuating my curves with how I dress and showing more off” – Val
She says the part of her body she is most insecure about has to be her breasts. Not only are they a pain for her to deal with everyday, but the struggle of dressing up and feeling sexy and feeling like she has a figure, which she does, is a challenge. Val still struggles to find everyday clothing that compliments her body and that hourglass figure she does have. She says she always appears to look much heavier in photos and more boxier because no one can ever see her small waist. She basically just goes from boobs to tummy then tummy to butt because her torso is so short. The only time you can ever see her real curves is when she is in lingerie or maybe a swimsuit, one that more than likely doesn’t fit. Having her large breasts unfortunately makes Val always feel uncomfortable in anything and everything she wears.
Pause for a moment and imagine those blue, red, yellow and white striped beach balls you would play with as a child. Now imagine those permanently strapped to your chest and picture yourself trying to find anything that would fit over those beach balls while also making you feel sexy without being too much and comfortable without being too boxy. I’ll wait, because I’m still imaging too and so far I haven’t found anything.
“I look at dresses and just dream that I could wear them.” -Val
No matter the season Val has a pretty set dress code. Not only are her breasts large, but the girl got a booty too. She says she lives in leggings because jeans can also be a struggle too along with large t-shirts that can fit over her chest.
“I pretty much have to stay away from all blouses and button ups.” -Val
Val actually has the idea to literally start making her own clothing which I think she totally should do. Not only is it a fun and cool creative project to undertake, but to finally feel comfortable and confident in some clothing would be amazing for her. We all know how bomb we feel when we’re feeling ourselves in a good new outfit. That self confidence boost should be available to all body types around.
“I want to make it for me so that I’m comfortable and I can wear the shit that I actually wanna wear.”- Val
Val knows there is a way to get bras and clothing that can fit her, even if she has to make it herself. She compares her dilemma to when Rhianna came out with her Fenty makeup line that had over 50 different foundations shades. Major makeup companies were quick to jump on the Ri Ri train and create even more shades for their clients after seeing all the love from Ri Ri’s clientele. Seeing womxn happy to finally find a shade that matched their skin tone inspired other companies to do the same. If Rhianna can revolutionize the world of makeup, someone out there can revolutionize the words of bras. A bra for every bust and every cup! <—Now that’s a good tagline.
I asked Val what her perception of herself and her body are like now versus when she was younger and taught to shrink because of others. After years of dieting to try and change her shape, arguments with herself, other people’s opinions and fights with clothing and bras, Val has come to a place of love and acceptance. After distancing herself from the things that would bring her down and learning to be more gentle with herself and love the skin that she was in, Val was able to take back her body. Val is appreciative of her body now because she knows that it is the only one that she has and she is so thankful everyday because she is healthy, can walk on her two feet, travel the world and survive out in the desert no problem.
“I’m coming into myself more than I ever have and letting my body be seen more than it has, has made me love me and my body even more. Sometimes I’ll catch myself in the mirror and say “yeah girl, get it!”-Val
“This is me and I feel good and I’m just going to own it and stop hiding and stop letting other people’s opinions dictate how I feel.” -Val
“For me to take on other people’s opinions is only hurting me.”-Val
As we all know we all are our own worst critics so to leave the unnecessary, negative comments from others at the door is necessary for survival.
Val is someone who has never seen herself as a confident person. She tells me others describe her as a confident person but to Val, she describes herself as an introvert who definitely needs time and space to herself. She can be social and make friends easily being an introvert, but still never sees herself as a confident person. As we wrapped up our conversation she told me that after having this session she can confidently say, that she now feels confidence.
“I’ve never said I’m confident before ever.”- Val
“Body dysmorphia is real as fuck.” -Val
We chatted about social media and how there are so many people out there on the internet not being their authentic selves, especially when it comes to all the photoshop people do to alter their images. Val told me she actually started to unfollow a lot of accounts that were highlighting these perfect bodies, that we 98% photoshopped because sadly, a lot of images on Instagram are photoshopped these days. It’s so important to only take in the good that is online for your brain. If you scroll and see things that are not real/highly photoshopped, UNFOLLOW THEM. Don’t subject yourself to seeing these fake images of people and their bodies. They are highlighting what they think beauty looks like which is all just fake. Beauty is not shiny smooth legs with no cellulite or stretch marks. That isn’t real and only things that are pure and real in life deserve to be called beautiful. When we fill our feeds with things that are not even real and things that society and Kim Kardashian are telling us to be, that can fuck with your head. Sadly, like many of us, we are always on our phone looking at these apps and these people. If you are having a hard time loving yourself and your body, do yourself a favor and unfollow some accounts that are not helping you in that venture. Seeing fallacies all the time will linger in your thoughts guaranteed. Follow the body pos accounts and follow the accounts and humans that are real sharing real photos and real stories. If you’re pissed that your waist, chest and ass don’t look like Khloe Kardashian’s (which, let’s be real here, she wears a fake butt in public) I suggest you unfollow her and look at bodies that are real and love those bodies that are real. The more good and the more real we see in this world the better. When we can relate and not compare, that’s when you have found a place, a space or a page that is in alignment with you.
“This is why I love Lizzo so much. She’ll wear her lingerie up on stage and play her mother fucking flute and twerk and everyone loves it.”-Val
This past year Val has been making 2019 her year. It’s been the year of Val and she is coming up hot and fast. She has been on an incredible journey to rediscover herself and live her most authentic life that she possibly can. So far she says she has not regretted a single thing. She took a major leap in leaving a past relationship that was tying her down. She traveled to Cambodia to learn reiki from some Cambodian masters in the jungle I’m sure. Went to Burning Man (with me :] ) and celebrated her body and the dust for what it is and has spent every second she could this year truly developing herself in every-way possible.
“Being more exposed to people who are being authentically themselves is the biggest thing.” -Val
She is truly doing this whole self love thing right. In order to become the person you want, or to feel as free as you want to be, you have to work on yourself and it will get uncomfortable at times and it will be hard, but the reward of self love is bigger than any gift. It makes me proud to know Val and to know that there are people out there like her who have been shamed and judged their whole life for their body, but continues to live to the fullest and continues to celebrate their body even if it is not celebrated by others. It’s hard to be your own hype person, trust me I know, but being your own cheerleader is one of the greatest lessons we can all learn in life. Especially being your own cheerleader when it comes to your body. We have to love our bodies no matter what.
As we wrapped up our conversation I asked Val if she could let the world know what it’s like to be in her body, what would she say to the world…
“It’s painful. It’s an emotional rollercoaster and not only are you dealing with a crazy amount of pain everyday, but you’re also dealing with all the unwanted attention. It’s the pain, the emotions behind it and the feeling of hating your body and hating the skin that you’re in. It’s hard as fuck and it’s not fun to grow up that way. Especially in middle school, the actual seventh layer of hell. If you’re not someone who likes attention then it’s impossible dealing with at times when you’re that young. It’s not for the light hearted, you have to be ready for it. I think having boobs in general because people sexualize it so much. It doesn’t matter if you have really big boobs or not, someone is always commenting.”- Val
So let them hang free girl, let them hang free.
“I was soooooo nervous to see the photos. Even though I had the most wonderful experience throughout the shoot, I tend to be my harshest critic and was so ready to critique everything about myself. Then I got the news that the pictures were ready and all of that went right out the window. Going through them, I felt like I was back in the studio with you: confident, supported, loved, beautiful, and a fucking goddess. Thank you so much for this wonderful experience and for igniting a fire within me that’ll continue to burn brightly! “-Val