Possible Womxn 1/12 Yuki- I have Eczema
Yuki’s name also means- give hope. SO THERE WE GO UNIVERSE.
“If everyone was as supportive as you, maybe I wouldn’t have these insecurities.” -Yuki
This was the first thing Yuki said to me after our session and it couldn’t align more with my reason for starting this project. No, not everyone is like me and is a photographer of the human body and sees the body the way I do. I see all bodies as beautiful and deserving of love, sexy photos and self expression. I see you for you, I see your beauty as it is and I want to showcase that beauty for everyone no matter how they look. So no, not everyone is as supportive right now, but this is exactly why we are doing this, together. It’s to break the body stigma. It’s to show others out there to start loving ourselves and our bodies and loving others for who they are. To speak kindly about our bodies and especially kindly to other bodies.
I also wanted to take a quick moment before we get in here to thank everyone so much for all the submissions, kind messages and words of encouragement around this project. I can tell you this, I have already photographed 2 womxn now and it is already so amazing and inspiring and powerful and I’m thankful for all the ladies and future ladies of the project and for their bravery and willingness to be apart of something truly special.
This is Yuki- Yuki is in her early twenties and has suffered greatly from eczema head to toe her entire life. Yuki, happens to be a good friend of mine and I was not aware of the severity of her eczema until our session. Hearing her talk about the daily struggles she faces constantly and how turbulent her past was with her eczema. I had no idea, not a single clue the toll it really takes on my sweet little, Yuki. I was completely heartbroken for her. This is also when I quickly realized that these photos and this project is definitely bigger than boudoir.
I was lucky enough to meet Yuki as a model and worked with her over the past year. Yuki started modeling to break those barriers of what she thought she could and couldn’t do due to her eczema. She had several shoots and worked with many photographers over the the months but took a step back recently. She hated seeing her skin in the photos. She thought she was being a burden to the photographers as well who had to smooth out her skin. I never once smoothed out any of Yuki’s skin during any one of our sessions over the year. She felt she needed to take a step back because she was being too critical of herself when she would get the photos back. This was one of her first sessions she had done in months, I was so incredibly proud of her.
Yuki used to think of herself as a monster not too long ago. A monster who at night would attack her own-self, unknowingly, because she was sleep scratching. She would wake up most mornings with blood on her skin, clothes and sheets and would think, “how could I do this to myself.” She looked at herself in the mirror and didn’t recognize who she was looking at. She was a in her early twenties around this time. Her parents had to bathe her for many years when she was younger. When she was a little girl she wondered if her neighbors thought her parents were abusing her or something because she would scream so much in pain when she had to take a shower. The screaming doesn’t happen today, but Yuki say’s it is still painful when she showers, a bath is less harsh on her skin.
“Like right now, these are my eczema eyes. I feel tired all the time because I have this coating on my eyelids that makes them heavy.” -Yuki
“In some of the poses I could feel my skin stretching and pinching because it’s so tight” – Yuki
When Yuki was in high school she spent most of that time in and out of school. She said her mom would have to call in saying she had the cold over and over again. She couldn’t bring herself to even move the slightest because it felt like her entire body was on fire and the littlest of movements were incredibly painful. She said the only thing that helped and made her feel fine, or even just a little bit okay, was just remaining motionless in her bed.
To this day, she still says that sleeping is a nightmare. Most nights she can’t get to bed until 2-4am and when she does she on and off sleeps for only a few hours. Every morning she has to wake up and rip her clothes and sheets off of her skin because they will stick to her/her wounds at night. When she was younger she would always keep her hair cut short so she didn’t have to rip that off her neck in the mornings too. Some mornings if her skin is sticking to her clothes too much, she’ll just hop in the shower with them on to make it less painful to take them off.
“My shoulders are always up by my ears because sometimes the elements like cold and wind can hurt my neck.” – Yuki
“Yeah, you basically having cold harsh air on your open wounds- that can’t feel too good.” -Kendra
“I’m not proud of my eczema, but it’s apart of me.” -Yuki