Possible womxn 7/12 – Verbally abused while pregnant

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Brittani- this beautiful womxn is a mother of two-absolutely adorable babies. How can they not be cute coming from her right? Brittani has a wonderful, kind little boy Raul who just finished kindergarten and a brand new baby girl Vivianna, who was born February 2019 Brittani has had two very different pregnancies with both babies. One with a supportive partner (Vivianna’s dad) and one with a not so supportive partner (Raul’s dad.) Being pregnant is one of the most beautiful things in life. The fact that a womxn can house a living being in her belly for close to 10 months is nothing short of miraculous. The creation of life is a beautiful thing and one of the most brave and strongest things a mother can do. When Brittani was pregnant for this first time, she had no support from her partner who also let it be known to her how “ugly” and “disgusting” he thought she was while she was pregnant. At a time where she was to feel nothing but wonderful and beautiful and a damn mama queen, she was made to feel terrible about herself. Mama’s- you are beautiful, you are strong and you are wonder womxn, never forget that. 

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“I was a ball of anxiety, but you made me feel comfortable and I feel really good about this.” -Brittani

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Growing up Brittani said she used to be a tom boy and would always be made fun of from her peers at school. When she was in middle school she thought she would try dressing up more girly and feminine, but was only to be ridiculed even more from the “pretty, mean girls” in school. Blahhh- can we all just agree at this point that middle school was the WORST. 

“I dealt with a lot of mean girls in middle school and some of them just don’t grow out of it and they just get even nastier in high school.”- Brittani

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“They would make fun of the gap in between my teeth; they would say things about my dimples too- which I never really understood.” -Brittani

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I guess that’s the only real thing we can expect from bullies growing up. They will always go for your looks and appearance because they know thats what will hurt people the most. For so many of us, it’s easy to say that those comments from forever ago don’t hurt anymore, but they always still linger in your head and you never forget them. I wish schools were different these days, i hope they are, but I know there are always some kids that just have to ruin the fun and an entire classes self-esteem. Kids- don’t be mean, it’s going to get you nowhere in this life. 

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“My son’s father made me feel the lowest I have ever felt about myself in my entire life.” -Brittani

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When Brittani was pregnant with her son, Raul, she was going through so much emotionally from her… forgive my language… ass hole partner at the time. Never before in their relationship did he ever judge, criticize or make rude remarks about her body. The moment her body started to change, as one’s body does when you’re growing a small human being, the comments started flying around like seagulls at a beach. 

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Brittani tried to remain intimate at first while she thought how special it was to be creating life with someone she thought she loved. She tried to disregard the rude comments he made to see if they could really work for the sake of their future child. 

“He would tell me that I was fat and disgusting while I was pregnant with my son. He would tell me that it was disgusting, I was disgusting and that I was huge and gross.” -Brittani

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After Raul was born Brittani  hung around for 2-3 more weeks before leaving her son’s father. In that time, she told me he really gave it to her and the comments just became more brutal and more regular even after having given birth to their son. 

“He would say, “your skin is loose and saggy, your boobs are saggy, all these stench marks all over your body are disgusting and no one wants to look at that.” -Brittani

“Any self-esteem that I had at that time just went completely away.” -Brittani 

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I can only imagine how low Brittani must have felt around that time. Now being a single mother who was just berated for her physical appearance for the last 9 months, I can imagine all the shame and hurt she felt. But I also can imagine how much joy that little boy brought her in that time and was reminded of what was most important in life, her son.

“He really destroyed my self-esteem. I was heartbroken and depressed and felt like I wanted to crawl under a rock and never talk to anyone again.” – Brittani

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Brittani gained roughly 80-90 pounds from her first son. She never understood why her partner would be so cruel in a time where she needed support and love. She anticipated there may have been some cheating on his part which caused the sudden berating and bullying from him once she got pregnant. She felt unworthy and unloved and knew that her ex was also cheating because her physical appearance was not ‘good enough’ even though she was straight carrying his son. 

“While I was pregnant I kept thinking about the fact that I was about to give birth to a little person soon that was going to love me regardless, always and unconditionally, and that they need me and I just have to push through it until they’re here so I can hold and pour all of my love into them.”- Brittani